Anger: Reasons for Men's Temperament and Methods for Managing and Releasing Anger

anger

Anger arises when a person's desires cannot be fulfilled or their actions are restricted. For example, work failures, being cheated, having one's power violated, romantic setbacks, illness, the discovery of secrets, and overwork can all generate anger under certain psychological conditions.

A psychological study based on facial expression observation found that anger can be beneficial to a person's physical and mental health, as long as it is not excessive.

When faced with stressful situations, those who react with brief anger experience a sense of control and optimism, something lacking in those who react with fear. Psychologist Jennifer Reiner says that anger is an appropriate emotion in stressful and frightening situations; anger is not a bad thing, in fact, it is more beneficial to health than fear.

However, researchers have found that prolonged, explosive anger or a hostile attitude towards the world can be detrimental to physical health. As the Inner Canon of Medicine states, "Excessive joy and anger injure the internal organs, and when the internal organs are injured, illness arises."

Modern medicine believes that anger can lead to diseases such as high blood pressure, ulcers, and insomnia. Statistics show that people who are prone to depression and anger are more likely to develop cancer and neurasthenia than normal people. Anger is like a psychological virus that can cause serious illness and despair; its harm is no less than that of a physical virus.

Anger can reduce appetite or cause indigestion. Frequent occurrences of this can disrupt the physiological functions of the digestive system.

Anger can also affect the secretion of glands in the body. For example, when a person is wronged or insulted and becomes angry, the tear glands secrete more, causing them to sob uncontrollably. Some scholars have conducted surveys and found that 35% of children cry when angry, and this is even more common among women in daily life. Furthermore, as the intensity and duration of anger increase, saliva can go from increasing to decreasing. For instance, some people start an argument with spittle flying everywhere, but gradually become thirsty, and the shouting slowly subsides. At this time, the composition of a person's saliva often changes, and even their favorite foods may taste unpleasant.

Why are men so prone to anger?

Why are men prone to anger? This is related to their relatively low level of control over psychological stress responses. This "low level" can stem from either being spoiled from childhood, developing a bad temper at home, or being in a long-term adversity, feeling suppressed and having nowhere to confide in. Once they have someone close to them, the dynamic shifts from "closest to most distant," and their partner becomes the target of their anger.

Men with short tempers generally exhibit emotional characteristics of poor stability and low tolerance, yet their emotions tend to be intense. Therefore, they are prone to losing their temper when faced with unpleasant situations. However, people rarely lose their temper without reason; certain contextual conditions are required for anger to occur.

Especially when the situation changes significantly, a person's emotions can fluctuate wildly, which involves the individual's level of control over their "psychological stress response" to changes in the situation. Those with low control levels will lose their psychological balance and become extremely angry when faced with even a small setback.

Psychological research shows that people who are prone to anger generally have the following weaknesses:

1. Likes to compete when having fun.

Some people often feel unhappy because "life is full of disappointments." For example, when playing cards, they often feel annoyed by their own mistakes, and when things aren't going well, they sulk for a long time with a sullen face. If their partner makes a mistake or the opponent commits a foul, they will fly into a rage, either throwing their cards on the table or the floor, or tearing them up and storming off, ending the game in a bad mood. As a result, the fun is ruined, and the game becomes a kind of emotional slaughterhouse.

2. Strong sense of justice

There is a type of person who, whenever they encounter injustice, becomes enraged and roars incessantly. When driving, if they believe that a pedestrian or cyclist should not be walking on the road, they will angrily drive and force that person onto the road.

3. Arrogance stemming from talent

Some people are very talented, and their knowledge and abilities are universally recognized in their workplace. However, they always find fault with others. For example, if someone is late for a meeting, while others remain silent in their anger, they will throw a tantrum, expressing their dissatisfaction and anger.

4. Unable to control one's anger towards children

There are some people who, whenever their children misbehave, can't help but lose their temper, yelling, "You've really angered me!" "You've made me so angry!" "You've disappointed me so much!" Sometimes they even resort to violence and "dictatorship" against their children. But the more they do this, the more mischievous the children become, and the more they punish them.

5. Do whatever you want

There is a type of person for whom getting angry has become a habit, and they even defend themselves by saying, "Everyone gets angry sometimes." "If I don't vent my anger, I'll die of holding it in." It is under this excuse that they frequently get angry at themselves and at others. In the eyes of others, they seem to be a "war maniac," like a "powder keg" that could explode at any moment.

Channeling and releasing anger

Everyone gets angry sometimes, but everyone reacts differently. Some people vent their anger by throwing tantrums, while others remain calm, as if nothing has happened. We often assume that those who appear calm have much stronger mental resilience than those who throw tantrums. However, in reality, not everyone who appears calm can truly quell their anger. More often than not, outward calm is simply a manifestation of suppressed anger.

People who suppress their emotions or psychology for a long time will not only have an adverse effect on heart function and affect the normal functioning of the immune system, but also sow the seeds for various psychological disorders.

Human emotions have a fountain-like characteristic, a phenomenon psychologists call the "fountain theory of emotion." This theory states that under stress, if our emotions have only one outlet, the intensity of the emotional flow is very high; conversely, if there are multiple outlets, the intensity of the emotional flow is relatively low. Compared to those who suppress their emotions, those who frequently express their anger are actually able to release negative emotions promptly and effectively, thus preventing serious consequences.

Undeniably, losing one's temper can sometimes have many negative effects, such as hurting others' feelings and leaving a bad impression. To avoid these negative consequences, it is crucial to master the correct way to express anger.

1. It must be recognized that losing your temper not only harms yourself, but also others.

Once upon a time, there was a little boy with a terrible temper. One day, his father gave him a large bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he had to hammer a nail into the fence in their backyard. After the little boy had hammered 37 nails into the fence, his father suggested, "If you can go a whole day without losing your temper, then pull a nail out of the fence." Gradually, the little boy learned to control his anger. After some time, the little boy finally pulled out all the nails from the fence. But the matter didn't end there. The father took his son's hand and led him to the fence, saying, "Son, you did very well, but look at all those holes those nails left in the fence. The fence will never be the same again. When you lose your temper with someone, your words, like these nails, leave scars on their hearts. What you did was like stabbing someone in the body with a knife and then pulling it out. No matter how many times you say sorry, the wound will always be there. In fact, the harm that words do to people is no different from the harm that harms the body."

Indeed, anger is very mischievous. Not only can it not accomplish the "mission" of changing other people's behavior, it also increases the angry person's own painful complex, increases the distance between them and others, and drives "nails" into their life's journey.

2. It is necessary to find out the cause.

Try to find the answers by looking at the following questions:

What is the seriousness of those situations to me?

What could possibly make me react so unwisely instead of seeking alternative solutions?

To whom can I direct my anger?

Does he remind me of other people I've responded to in the same way?

What were the results of doing this in the past?

What would be the worst possible outcome if we didn't get angry?

3. Build a "firewall" in your mind.

(1) Don’t get angry just because someone else is angry. Know that this is the time when you should be calm. If you feel like getting angry, think about what the consequences of such an outburst will be. If you know that getting angry will definitely harm your own interests, then you should restrain yourself, no matter how difficult it may be.

(2) When losing one's temper, the most important thing is to guide the "temperament" properly so as not to let it accumulate and become uncontrollable later. When controlling a machine, one must be able to utilize "temperament" and use it discreetly and effectively. However, sometimes there is too much "temperament" and the machine cannot keep up, so it is necessary to use a safety plug to shut off the "temperament".

(3) Focus on the issue, not the person. Saying "This really annoys me" is about the event, while saying "What did you do? How could you do such a thing?" is about the person.

(4) Don’t take out your frustrations on innocent people. Don’t make others your scapegoats. It won’t help. On the contrary, it will make you lose control of your emotions. You will regret it after you lose your temper.

4. Deal with your emotions first, then deal with the problem.

(1) Leave the scene that triggered your impulse until you can calm down.

If you find yourself in the office and things get heated, immediately force yourself to distance yourself from the person you've provoked. You can politely say, "This is a strange feeling right now. I think I need to calm down. I'll leave for a bit and come back later," or "Excuse me, I'll talk to you when I'm more focused."

Similarly, this approach can be used when the two of you disagree. When your spouse is in a bad mood and says hurtful things, you can say, "I can't talk to you right now, let's talk about it tomorrow," or "I need to think about it carefully before I answer you." In reality, nothing in this world is so urgent that even an hour or two can't wait. Leave that environment, go for a walk, do something else to distract yourself, calm down and think things through, instead of just acting rashly. Always consider things before taking action.

(2) Say some constructive things to yourself.

Mentally counting to 10 is quite effective. Psychologically speaking, a person's anger usually lasts only about 10 minutes. Unless someone further provokes you, you'll likely calm down after 10 minutes. So try listening to soothing music or repeatedly writing "Don't call him" on a piece of paper. In short, find something to distract yourself; this is very helpful in adjusting negative emotions.

(3) First, ask yourself what you will do and predict the outcome. Make a list of possible consequences of impulsive actions, such as "I might hurt a friendship" or "I might get fired." Anticipating these outcomes will prevent you from acting impulsively. This is also the best time to examine certain emotional issues: What if I hadn't quit my job in a fit of pique, hadn't lost my temper, hadn't confronted his mother, etc.? You'll find that the answer is "nothing."

(4) Vent your anger in a safe way. Put your anger and impulses into writing. Write a letter to yourself, writing down all the feelings that irritate or agitate you. Don't worry about rhetoric or the beauty of the sentences. Just clearly describe the events and circumstances that caused your negative feelings and vent them on paper.

5. Putting yourself in someone else's shoes can help you temporarily regain calm.

Socrates invited his student to his home. Upon arrival, his wife became angry over a trivial matter and, in front of the guest, overturned the table. The student, displeased, exclaimed, "Even a teacher's wife should act like one! This is outrageous!" He then turned to leave. Socrates remained calm and said, "The last time I visited your home, didn't a hen fly in through the window and make a mess of the table? I wasn't angry then, was I?"

Socrates taught his disciples through his words and actions that people get angry when they see a person, but not when they see a hen. He explained that everyone gets angry sometimes, but if you treat the other person as an object rather than a person, you can temporarily calm yourself down. If you treat the other person as a person, you are more likely to be unable to swallow your anger and become easily angered.

6. Alcohol abuse, reckless driving, and provocation are all expressions of anger that are distinctly masculine and often result in harm to others or oneself.

Sports, or watching sports, are a preferred way for men to express their anger; transferring anger onto the sport or their opponents allows them to rationalize their expression. Of course, there are many ways to express anger, but direct expression is the most commendable. When anger is expressed, its threatening nature disappears completely.

In short, there are many ways to express anger in a healthy way, and you can try any behavior that does not harm yourself or others.